Witnessing Abuse - Does It Affect Your Children?
Children who are witnessing abuse are deeply affected by what they see.
Imagine watching the two people you love most in the world fighting. Your father yells, throws objects, hits, pushes and hurts your mother. She in turn forgives him. Everything is loving for awhile but the violence begins again. This cycle repeats itself over and over again.
In order to understand the effects of witnessing abuse on children, we must first understand Partner Abuse. Partner abuse is a learned pattern of abusive behaviours including verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse or sexual, used by one person to control the other person in an intimate relationship.
* Spousal Abuse is very common in our society.
1 in 4 women in Saskatchewan experience violence at the hand of the man she lives with.
* Each year in Saskatchewan approximately 24,000 children will be exposed to male violence against their mothers in their own homes.
* Children are present in 80% of assaults and 1/3 of children are assaulted by the assailant.
* Abuse often begins during pregnancy and can result in miscarriage or prenatal injuries for some children.
* Violent behaviour is learned. Studies have shown that 75% of assaultive male partners witnessed partner abuse during their childhood.
However, boys are less likely to be abusers if their father received some form of professional help.
Women in abusive relationships are more likely to seek help if their mother was in an abusive relationship and sought help or left.
Interviews reveal that children have seen, heard and can give detailed reports of violent episodes that parents never realized they witnessed.
Witnessing Abuse = Abuse
Children who suffer emotional or physical abuse because of family violence and spousal abuse are considered abused children. Anyone who knows or suspects that a child is being abused or neglected has a legal duty to report it to any office of Social Services and/or to the Police.Understand The Effects In Children.
10 Ways To Help Your Child With Witnessing Abuse:
1. Get your child some help.Find a counsellor who they can talk to about what they have witnessed at home. The counsellor can help him/her to:
a. Understand that violence is not acceptable.
b. Know that they are NOT to blame.
c. Express feelings in a healthy manner.
d. Stay safe.
e. Increase his/her feelings of self-worth.
2. Recognize the dangers your child is in and try to find ways to protect him/her.
Teach yourself and your child ways to stay safe during violent episodes. Develop a safety plan with a counsellor. Code words can be useful to let your child know when to leave the house, go to a neighbour's home and call the police.
3. Listen to your child's concerns and validate his/her feelings.
4. Consider staying at a shelter if you believe you and your child(ren) are not safe from the abuser.
5. Recognize that your child needs information and explanations about what is happening when they are witnessing abuse. Don't try to hide what is happening - it only makes it worse for your child.
6. Let your child know that the violence is not their fault and they are not responsible for stopping it. A child is likely to blame him/herself for the violence - even if they say they don't.
7. Let your child know that the abuser has a problem and needs help. A child who understands this is less likely to believe it is his/her fault.
8. Do whatever you can to bolster your child's self-esteem. Ask your child about his/her interests and take an interest in his/her accomplishments. If possible, give your child opportunities to have fun and explore new interests.
9. Remember you still need to set limits on your child's behaviour. Don't let guilty feelings about exposing your child to abuse interfere with your ability to confront him/her in a non-abusive manner when they are doing something wrong.
10. Never give up.
Photo by Without You.
Hide Your Tracks When Surfing.
Return From Witness Abuse To Envision Home Page
